1. Never wax your eyebrows with children within 500 feet. If I happen to see you out, it's okay to pretend you don't know me. I'll understand.
2. Pick up the phone and signals are sent to children's brains telling them it's time to act like monsters.
3. Two year old boys are capable of anything they put their little minds to...and they must prove it.
4. Don't buy anything new because it instantly moves to the top priority on the "Must be Destroyed" list.
5. Get hugs and kisses everyday, because soon they probably won't even acknowledge your presence.