January 25, 2009

If I Should Die Before I Wake

I'm beginning to believe my children have taken out a million dollar life insurance policy on me. They're trying to kill me, I just know it! They have created a plan and are taking turns executing their role in my slow painful death.

I think this has a lot to do with their Dad's schedule. He used to be gone four, five, up to six days a week. Now it's the opposite. He's usually gone about three days a week. Previously, it was a big party when Dad returned because they hadn't seen him for so long. However, now the party begins when Dad turns the corner heading to work. They know mom has a million things to keep up with and not to mention take care of them.

Pods has been very good. She's going through the "monsters in my closet" stage, but she just sleeps with me when Dad's gone and that takes care of that. I really don't mind because I know she won't want to be around me for much longer. Might as well get all I can get now.

Bubbie. Poor Bubbie has the whole "middle child" issue working against him. He wants to be big and in charge of his younger brothers, but is also under the command of his older sister at the same time. He's learning how to not whine every time he wants something. Unfortunately, it still leaks from his mouth before he can catch it. Whining makes mom crazy! We're working on it..patience my dear, patience. He has been doing a great job with underwear. Well, except for yesterday morning when I woke up to him peeing beside the toilet in my bathroom. At least we had tile down! He must've been half asleep because he completely missed it. I wiped it all up with the intent of moping later in the afternoon when I got around to cleaning the whole bathroom. That, of course, never happened. So, bright and early this morning, I got up and cleaned and mopped. It looked beautiful. Later, while we were outside, Bubbie comes running out to tell me that he peed on the floor. Ugh! Sure enough, it was right where I had mopped earlier. I AM thankful it was on the tile. Bubbie's plan is to do me in with whining and peeing.

Frijole Man is super sensitive. He gets his feelings hurt about everything. He also likes to kick when he is getting his diaper changed. He prefers to run around naked even if it's 20'. He's also smack-dab in the middle of the TERRIBLE 2's. We're working on laying down the laws of the house. We're also going through twenty wooden spoons per week. Frijole Man will do me in with his little attitude, temper tantrums, and taking his diaper off.

Big E could alone do me in within an hour. We think we've finally figured out that he has some sort of "sensory disorder." Basically, he needs A LOT of stimulation. He gets over-excited about things and goes ninety-to-nothing from the time his feet hit the floor. I know you think all boys are like that. I have two other boys and I know what they're like. Big E, however, is like a normal boy times ten. He is CONSTANT. Since Eric left on Friday, I have pulled Big E off of the kitchen light fixture at least seven times. He's always trying to get in the garage because he LOVES to push the door buttons on my mini. He loves to leave the water running, leave the fridge open, and climb on cabinets. I know you're thinking he needs more discipline, but he gets it. Trust me, he does. He's like an ADHD kid who doesn't stop. He's curious about everything and determined to figure it out. We have some kind of a drain pipe in our backyard that is about five inches in diameter. I have no clue where it goes, I just know that anything that goes down it is never seen again. He dropped his special car down it. That was fun, so he dropped another car down. Then, he started having a fit because his "beep beep's" had disappeared. We were ready to go inside, so we started gathering up our stuff, but Bubbie's sandals were missing. They, too, met the drain. I could actually see them way down in the drain. I won't tell you how he flew off of the trampoline (with the safety net attached).

If I am still here tomorrow, it will be a better day. Dad will be home from Alcapulco...grrr..and our little party will have come to a close.

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